He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
