I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
