My friends, they love my intelligence
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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