Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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