omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
