I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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