I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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