we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize