So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
