she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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