the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
