...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
