He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
