I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize