We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
