I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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