Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just high enough for therapy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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