I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
false alarm, still single
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
