you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize