I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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