Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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