sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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