So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
