capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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