You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
