Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize