You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
