Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
