The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize