so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
