New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
