PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
