we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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