I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize