is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
