You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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