He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
