she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
