Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
