walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
