So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
