i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
