i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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