I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
