What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
