its not stalking. its research.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
