i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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