I could have mohawked her pubes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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