all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
