I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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