and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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