Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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