Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
