I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Less talking, more tequila
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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