We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
