So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
