I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
