You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
