oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
