my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
