return my video game
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
