So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
