I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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