remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize