New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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